"The world is as you are." -- Maharishi Mahesh Yogi
Breaking rank from my normal routine, I'm sitting upstairs reflecting on the pouring rain and my recent "personal evolution," instead of working (editing two new chapters from a past client, whose literary agent is a former V.P. at Random House, world's largest tradebook publisher -- yes, a plug for my top-shelf book editing services... www.BookEditorCoach.com)...
The world is, indeed, showing up in the mirror just as I am . . . or at least, as I have been recently... Forward motion from within me -- making a performance art production proposal to a local arts council board, requiring that all of my clients pay me using PayPal, asking for what I want, doing what I love, and the like -- continues to produce a world for me to live in where the soup du jour is "desirable results"...
Sure, one could say that getting unanimous support and financial backing for dream projects, and enjoying more relaxed, less nail-biting daily business (i.e., the benefits of PayPal) comes from "playing the game smarter"... which may be enough of an explanation for most folks.
But in my case, I'm sure it's also got something to do with both the quantity and quality of attention I've been putting on addressing one of my core issues: stepping onto the stage of my life and putting myself in the spotlight . . . not an easy thing to do for a child of a narcissist.
What I mean is, I've come to find out -- through even partial reading of Trapped in the Mirror: Adult Children of Narcissists in Their Struggle for Survival and The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists (more on these books in next blogpost) -- that because of growing up in a family dominated by a clinically narcissistic father, I (and my four sisters) were afflicted by the fallout from his maximally self-centered way of living, his way of perceiving us (as though we didn't exist, except to serve his self-interests), and the lack of proper "self-worth" that comes from being ignored as a unique and valuable, lovable person.
And one remedy for such an affliction, I've discovered, is to "take back my power"... Believe that I deserve, as much as my father did, to enjoy the spotlight of attention and affection upon me... and that it's not shameful to feel good-... no, to feel great about whatever it is that makes me want to wag my tail! (More about the health/spiritual benefits of engaging in regular tail-wagging activities in future blogposts)... ;-)
Hence, my stepping up to the plate recently to develop a proposal for a one-man storytelling show (with live music and multi-media visuals to enhance each story)... And just like that, voila! I got word yesterday that the local arts council voted a unanimous "yes" to financially backing me/this production!
And the list goes on: tentative support for my attendance at a kick-ass Tony Robbins weekend workshop (which I feel will be a great boost to the momentum I already have); clients are responding well to paying me via PayPal (rather than by mailing a check with indefinite clearing dates), which frees me up from having to make bank deposits and lets me know exactly when my $ is available to me...
Life gets better . . . when I start treating myself better! Maharishi was right -- the world is as I am . . . and today, I'm glad that's true.
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